Thursday, June 17, 2010

Andy Candy

I think doing puzzles or making models or really any hobby store crafty idea is boring. This lady told me once that puzzles are relaxing. No they arnt. Someone told me its satisfying to build and complete a model. No it isn't. It's fucking boring and the end result is usually something stupid and who fucking cares anyway. BORING.

When we were kids my older brother Brent loved to build models. I forget what kind they were, cars I think (stupid). He would paint them and glue all the pieces and put on all the stickers. It was even boring to watch. But sometimes he had to use the only cool thing about this stupid pointless hobby.....

The exact-o knife.

THEY ARE SO AWESOME. As someone who collects office supplies, I find the exact-o knife to be like an awesome pen that stabs instead of writes. My brother would sit there cutting out small circles or some design that sissors never could. It allowed you to use so much detail, and be so...exact. I was obsessed with this knife and wanted one really bad.

"No." My stepmom said when I asked.
"Why? It's not fair. Brent has one." I begged.
"Brent is 5 yrs older than you and isn't careless or easily sidetracked." (Once I superglued my hand to the counter because I 'wanted to see if it really worked.')
"I promise I'll be good." I pleaded.
"No Molly. You will just hurt yourself. Now go away."

She instructed my brother to never let us other kids play with it and told him if we did, she would take it away from him for good. So one day when Brent was model building I asked him if I could see the knife. he looked at me and said "I don't fucking care. but if you hurt someone I will literally beat the shit out of you."


I sat down and started to cut everything. A slice here a slice was so exhilarating! It was so shiny and pretty and it was so SHARP. I popped a Zot (best candy ever) into my mouth and looked at the wrapper to see what I could cut it into.

It was then I saw it. The word "candy." If I just cut off the c, then it would say little brothers name! Now that's cool!

"That's stupid." Brent said when I told him."your so stupid."

Whatever it was cool. So I took the wrapper (and get this) wrapped it AROUND MY FINGER and stabbed into it.

And sliced my finger wide the Fuck open.

I dropped the knife and grabbed my finger. I quickly looked up at Brent who thank god wasn't watching me. I got up and ran to the bathroom.
"What's wrong?" Brent said as I slammed the door.
"Nothing!" I yelled back staring in the mirror.
"Haha! Molly has the shits!" Brent said. (you know, he really was such an asshole.)

I was too afraid to look at my finger so I turned on the water and shoved my finger under it. Blood splattered everywhere when the water hit it and I started to panic. Holyshit holyshit holyshit! I grabbed the hand towel and wrapped it around my finger.
Then someone knocked on the door.
"Molly?" Asked Brent.
"Why is there fucking blood all over my knife?"
"No idea."
"No, I'm good but thanks."
"Nothing. Can you get mom?"
"No I cannot get mom but if you don't open this fucking door I'll break it in."
"No that's ok. You can go."

Then it was quiet.

Was he gone? I put my ear to the door and listened....I couldn't hear anything. I had to get Linda. I was scared to death Brent might kill me but at this moment I was sure my finger was seriously fucked.

I opened the door fast and ran.
Ran, of course, right into Brent. He grabbed the towel and looked at my finger.
"Holyshit Molly! You stupid asshole!" He yelled squeezing my hand.
"Ow! That hurts! LINDA!"
And there she appeared. (i dont know if this is a mom thing or what, but i kid you not, that woman was everywhere, all the time.)
"What's going on?" She said and grabbed my hand.
"the dumbass tryed to cut off her finger. i didnt let her use the knife mom, she stole it." Brent said smiling at me like the asshole he is.
She gasped and said "Oh no....ok, lets go get your father."

The sight of blood pissed my dad off. He did not have sympathy for the injured party. he found them stupid for getting themselves hurt in the first place.

"No...Linda please!" I cryed as she dragged me to my dad. Who (yay) was sleeping.

Don't they say to never poke a sleeping bear? Well waking my dad up with something one of his stupid children did got the same results.

"Clark. Wake up. One of them is hurt."

My dad stirred and said "which one." (Why? Did it matter? I was dead.)
"Molly. She cut her finger. It's really bad."
My dad snorted, said "of course its her" and sat up.
"Is it bleeding?" He asked.
"Yes." Linda said "pretty bad too I think its sorta deep."
My dad looked at my hand, shook his head and said "she's fine. This one here? she's isn't gonna be a surgeon. I'm sure whatever exciting career she chooses she can do it with one less finger." and layed back down.

Say what?

My dad sighed and said "no. Just put a band aid on it and GO AWAY."
My stepmom was pissed."look Clark I realize this isn't front page news but the child is hurt and we should do something about it." (Go mom!)
My dad sat back up."ok." He said."Molly would you like to go to the hospital and get a shot and then have them take a large needle and sew up ur hand?"
I looked at my stepmom, then my dad.
"No." I said.
My dad threw up his hands "there ya go. I promise you if you take her in, she with throw a shitfit of all shitfits when she sees that needle. Im too tired for that shit. Take her if you want to but I'm not going." And he layed down and pulled the covers over his head.

Linda looked at me and sighed. My dad said "just get her a fucking band aid" under his breath and Linda shook her head.
"Just apply pressure and hold your hand up like this." And she walked me to my room.

(Um hello? Bleeding to death here!)

"ok. Now lay down and relax." She said.

I was miserable. My finger was in so much pain. I was sure it was either gonna fall off or I would literally bleed to death. Plus, currently Brent was standing behind my stepmom shaking his head at me and mouthing "I'm going to beat the shit outta you".


"oh and the next time you try to cut off a finger," Linda said getting up to leave, "DO NOT use my white towels on the blood. I will never get this stain out."

And she left me there to die.

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