Sunday, May 29, 2011

action shot

This is me tripping over one of the 800 throw rugs I have in my house because my dogs won't walk on the bare floor. I was trying to get a picture of how joey was laying....notice he just watches me as I fall and almost break my nose.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.9

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I wanted to buy a gun at Walmart and q said I can't have a gun cause I'll shoot him and he doesn't feel like getting shot.

He's so smart.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

Sunday, May 8, 2011

i have to poo and q left me in a hot car while he shops at target. I can't go in cause the popcorn smell will make me vomit in my state plus I can't poo publicly anyhow.

I mean, in case you were wondering.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8

yay I got a blog app

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.8
I go I don't need to get dressed I'm just gonna feed those dogs and be right back. But I forgot gas tanks don't fill themselves. So I ran outta gas in buttfuck wishing I had a bra on under my owl pjs. Oh some underwear too. Oh and that maybe I had my wallet. But then, dear friends, where's the fun in that?

Friday, May 6, 2011


I accidently had to smash a beer can on this guys head at my brothers show last Saturday. It wasn’t my fault, he punched me in the stomach first. However I was later told that it may have been on accident since I was standing on the edge of the pit when it happened and it may have been told to me before I hit him with the can, but I couldn’t help my reaction, I have roid rage.

That’s not my fault either. I HAVE to take them. They are a prescription. That means they are ok.

You see, I have a rash. This is why they prescribed them to me. To help make it go bye bye. I got like 3 other prescriptions too but they are too boring to mention.

The roids make me inappropriately hot though and I think my face looks a wee bit on the puffy swollen coke whore like side but other than that I don’t seem to be itching!

At first I thought I had scabies. I didn’t actually know what scabies were but some one said they make you itch and you can get them from dust mites. Now as I clean houses and I had this really pretty rash, well I made q rush me to the urgent care asap. I was so freaked out that I might have fucking bugs on me that I proceeded to ask everyone there what scabies were, if my rash looked like them and do they want to feel it.

Q says that’s what he means by inappropriate.

I made friends though the receptionists loved me. I think their job might be boring. I mean they sat there and shared their own stories and talked to me for like 20 minutes. Nice ladies really. I think it might freak q out a little how quickly I’ll tell someone how I have to poop so do they think I have time before my appointment?

But so anyhow this is why I have steroids and why I have roid rage and why shit happens when a stupid douche bag decides to dance around in a giant circle like a fucking bull in a china shop knocking into everyone and punching girls in the stomach. He deserved a beer to the head.

But, it was too bad the beer was full and my aim was sorta off cause as I did manage to smash him directly above the eye, the mouth of the can was pointed directly at Nicoles face and well, as she was showered with a full can of pabst (with lemon) she screamed “fuck roid rage!” and I thought she was gonna kill me so I turned to run, slipped on my pabst (with lemon) did some fucked up splits, came back upright and knocked the top of my head into said dancing douche bags chin as his fucking girlfriend decided to stomp repeatedly on my foot with her high heel. So it also wasn’t my fault that I shoved her so hard she fell on her giant ass showing everyone her fuzzy kiekie. God invented panties for a reason whore. Try wearing some next time.

Damn that was a fun night.
I hate that for the most part a lot of this is going to be repeats from my facebook account. I know I know I need some new material but I thought I was posting all of this lately because I thought I had set up a thing were I could txt new posts but I guess its broken or some shit. I tried to read on the help page how to fix it but I don’t know what the fuck mms or sms is so fuck it. I’ll make my husband do it when he gets home.

That’s what she said. Hahahahahah


The other day my dad and I got in this fight over whether or not Tracy Chapman is a woman.

I made my weekly call to my dad. Actually, i talk to him more than that. Sometimes everyday. I mean mainly its txting but about once a week he calls me and leaves threatening phone calls that if i dont return he goes into the negative land where he assumes something awful has happened and he threatens to call the cops and says he will just start planning my funeral if he doesnt hear from me. Im tellin ya.

It was a polite enough conversation, mainly me asking him how he is, how the dogs, my mom, my gradma is etc. It was when my dad exclaimed “oh I like this song, this guy has a great voice.” That it took a weird turn.

I heard “fast car” by Tracy Chapman playing in the backround and said “what song is that dad? Fast car?”
“Yes.” He said “By that guy…. Tracy something.”

I paused at first because my dad is sorta notorious for calling boys girls and girls boys especially the dogs. I mean he straight up knows his dog Ivy is a girl but he often says things like “Ivy is such a funny girl dog. He just wants to play. Good boy.” So I wasn’t going to say anything until he said, “seems like a strange name for a guy.”

At this point I realized he didn’t know it was a woman. So I told him
“Dad, Tracy Chapman is a woman.”
Then my dad paused. “Whos Tracy Chapman?” he said
Sigh. “The woman singing that song.”
“What song?” he said.
“Dad! The song you like, that fast car one your listening to.”

More pause and then….”the one on now? Don’t be stupid that’s a guy.”

I started laughing cause I just assumed he was kidding. But he didn’t laugh back. So I said “are you serious dad? No Tracy Chapman is definatly a girl.”

My dad said nothing for close to a minute, listening I think, to the song. Then out of nowhere he said,
“you think everyone is a girl. This conversation is over.”

And he hung up on me.
I set up my account so I could txt to it I thought it was sorry will figure this out.

Here's a helpful hint:
When opening ranch dip in public around a bunch of men, pray it doesn't explode up on to your face. Also try not to say "Fuck me" afterwards. Gives people the wrong idea.