Tuesday, February 8, 2011

I don’t know what I did to my computer. I cant make it not be on this fat letter style. I am afraid to press too many buttons to figure it out because im afraid I will get it stuck on something or break it and Q isn’t here to help me figure it out. Things just keep happening. Like accidentally it keeps jumping down a page, or makes squiggley lines under certain words. Why am I so retarded? I don’t understand computers at all. I wonder if when I go to actually post this if it will be fat lettered…….so exciting.
Anyhow its kind of perfect that its fat lettered because this story is a about fatness, happy fatness.

So Today I ran into this gal I haven’t seen in a long time. After a bunch of hi’s and how are you’s she said “you look great Molly. Have you lost weight?”
What the fuck? I thought. Is she being serious? I mean A. im on my period and my face is all puffy and my stomach is pooching out like im preggo. B. I have actually gained 10lbs in the last year and C. what the hell did I look like before? WHATEVER.


So after I decide to literally say all that, except the bitch part, she blushed looked at her non-ringing phone and said “I have to take this, good seeing you again.” And walked away.
Go period!

WHATEVER.(whoops, Sorry caps lock.)
Whatever, she deserved it .welllllll maybe not but Its not my fault. I have been noticing that ive packed on a couple (10) pounds and ive asked people over and over again if its obvious and they always say no.

Quinty poo poo is the worst.

“but my pants don’t fit.” I said the other day while trying to pull up my pants.
“sure they do.” Said q slapping my ass.
“no seriously babe, I cant pull them up all the way.”
“I think you look good honey.”
“um, thanks but im not asking that im asking you if its obvious ive gained weight. I mean look, is this a muffin top?”
“no, your just picking yourself apart you look great. Your beautiful honey. You know what? I think those pants shrunk.”
“huh. Ya think?”
“defiantly honey. you look no different to me. In fact I think you look perfect.”
I smiled and said “you know what babe, your right. I did dry them, I don’t usually. I bet they did shrink!” As I stuffed my face with my third donut.

Damn him.

He has allowed me to live in denial and look what I have become. A happy little fat girl squeezing herself into jeans too small and walking around like they fit cause q says im pretty. Is it that easy? i mean complement anyone and they will start to believe it after awhile right?

Wait is this such a bad thing?

i mean I am a lot happier than I have been in along time. The last 5 yrs have kicked my ass and pushed me to my limit. but its all good now. These days, everyday passes without incident and ive been able to sleep again with out constant nightmares and anxiety attacks. I can eat without gagging and I can sit still without bouncing off the walls. So fuck it. Ill take the muffin top over stress and bullshit anyday. Maybe its that when your happy you just look damn good. My smile just must be covering my giant new muffin top.

I mean my mouth is pretty big.