Friday, January 6, 2012

I've been doing really well lately with letting myself be happy again after losing dad. But today I was at the grocery store and burst into tears in the milk isle remembering the last time I saw my dad and he was conscious. My stepmom had to go to the store so i sat with my dad. She made me promise not to give my dad any food he asked for because he was on a strict diet. Of course. I said. 5 minutes after she left dad asked if Linda was gone. Yes I told him. He asked me to fill his sippy cup with milk. You can't have anymore I told him. Please babe. He asked me. Please. And he closed his eyes. He looked so sad. It's just fucking milk. I thought. So I disobeyed my mom and gave it to him but he couldn't hold the cup and I had to feed it to him. I quietly cried without letting him see my face. My dad. My strong amazing superman of a dad. Who the fuck let's this happen to a man like this? I thought. He drank the cup and said your a good kid. Now fill it again or I'm gonna tell Linda. He smiled at me and whispered I love you kiddo.

I miss my dad.