Tuesday, August 17, 2010

It's been all hot and shit so I've been walking the dogs before work. It's all good in the morning except for the early bird ass old people in my neighborhood. they all wanna talk and say hi and ask about the dogs or where I live or the weather or fucking 300000000 other things. I just want to walk. I don't want to talk to anyone. Or have a discussion about whether or not pitbulls are murdering devil dogs from hell.(FYI I own two of them. I obviously like them.)

So anyway, last night q and I got in this huge fight over his use of the word 'certain' or 'certainly'. I was de-cluttering our fucking house when he kept trying to keep everything that was total and complete crap. We were already on the way to a fight when my nitpicking kicked in.

"I am most certain I want that." Q said when I picked up a nail cluster covered in gum.
"Tough shit. It's garbage."
"It most certainly isn't."
"Um...yeah it is. These nails are covered in gum."
"I'm not so certain that's gum."
"Oh yeah? What is it then?"
"I'm not certain but that doesn't make it garbage."
"Yeah the fuck it does."
"It most certainly does not."
"Why the fuck do you keep saying certain?"
"I'm not saying certain."
"Yeah the fuck you are. It's hella annoying."
"You are most certainly the annoying one."
"Stop it."
"Stop what? This is ridiculous. These are my things. I am certain I should be able to deside if they are garbage or not."
"Um...I don't actually care. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP SAYING CERTAIN."
"Why do you nitpick everything? So I said certain who cares?"
"Me. Fuck. You said it like 5,000 times. Get a thesaurus or some shit."
"If there's one thing I am certain of its that your being a bitch."
"Oh yeah? Are ya CERTAIN ABOUT THAT?"
"Yes. I most certainly am."

So I stayed up all night drinking busch light (with lemon) and plotting quints demise. I didn't get to bed till like 4 am and when my alarm aka quint slamming the door woke me up at 6:30 I was in a less than plesant mood.

"Awesome. Another hot fucking day. Let's do this dogs." And we went out for our walk.

I got bombarded this morning. Everyone wanted to talk about Obama cause I guess he's coming to visit Seattle or some shit.
"Are you gonna watch his speech?"
"Do you wk in Seattle? That traffics gonna be awful!"
"In my day we raised the flag for our president."
"does Jim down the road have his flag up?"
"You know Obama's got a dog right?"

By the time I was done with my half hour walk I was sweating busch light (with lemon) and I was so dehydrated I couldn't talk anymore. I downed water till my voice came back and forgetting we were in a fight I called q to tell him of my morning.

"Oh my god babe'" I said. "it was so annoying. The early birds just wouldn't shut up today! I was going crazy! It was so fucking frustrating!"

"CERTAINLY sounds like it." Q said and hung up.

Well looks like he can kiss his precious gum nails goodbye.

Oh and his favorite kangol hat.


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