The other day while I was sitting outside minding my own business the neighbors shit kid Buddy popped his head over the fence and asked me where my car was.
"In my driveway. Why?" I said spinning around to see if it was still there.
"I need some change." He replyed.
I just stared at him because well.....I didn't fucking get it.
"Did you hear me?" He asked staring right back.
I looked all around me narrowed my eyes and pointed at myself "are you talking to me kid or someone else?"
"You lady." He said nodding at me.
"And your asking me the where abouts of my car cause you need some change?" I asked.
"Yes. Is it locked?" He said.
"Is what locked?" I asked confused as a mother fucker.
"YES YOUR CAR. GET ME SOME CHANGE OR CAN I GET IT." Buddy said rather loudly.
Who the fuck IS this kid?
"Im sorry kid....I don't understand. What exactly is happening here?" I asked
Buddy sighed and said "when I was in your car yesterday I saw a bunch of change. I need it now so can you get it."
My eyes started to widen and I said "you were in my car?"
"Yeah. Yesterday." He said.
"Why?" I said as I started to freak the fuck out.
"To pretend." He said.
"Why in my car?" I asked. Getting up and backing towards my car. "And what the fuck were you pretending?"
Buddy froze and his eyes popped out.
"You said the f word." He said.
I stopped walking and looked around me again. What was happening? I felt like i was insain. I glanced down at the beer in my hand to make sure it wasn't mushroom tea or something.
"Yeah, I did..." I said "And that's because you were in my fucking car."
You little fucking Weirdo.
"I'm gonna tell." Buddy said and started to walk away.
I through my hands in the air and sprayed beer all over myself."FUCK!" I said and quickly got way pissed.
"GO AHEAD! AND GUESS WHAT? SO THE FUCK AM I!" I screamed."YOU CAN'T JUST GO IN PEOPLES CARS! STAY OUT OF MINE OR ELSE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Buddy turned around, all slow and creepy like, cocked his head to the side looked at me and said "Yes. You have a lemon in your hair. I'll see you tomorrow." And walked back to his house.