Friday, October 1, 2010

why i hate poulsbo by molly andrae

!. Because the speed limit is 40 but everyone drives 25. Speed the fuck up you looky lous.

2. There is always, no matter what time of day, a shitload of traffic. I am assuming this is due to the slow drivers and the fact there is a stoplight every 3 feet and its always red.

3. Starbucks is at the end of this strip mall thing and the parking lot sucks. The spaces are too tight and everyone has an suv. My car has been hit 3 times. Plus the Starbucks workers pretend they don't know what medium is. I hate them.

4. The woods there are scary as shit. We used to walk this trail down to the dogfish creek to see the samon run (fucking creepy those fish are huge) and at the end there is this giant cross with an alter and some pews.(holy shit creepy) seriously. Now if that ain't backwoods scary what is?

5. Vikings are out. Noone cares. Please shut up about it already. Didn't those dudes rape and piliage? Good fun. Now thats something to brag about.

6. Pitbulls are no longer allowed there. Get over yourselves.

7. Crosswalks are there for a reason. Randomly stepping into traffic forcing me to slam on my brakes, somehow killing my car is stupid. In that downtown area people are just randomly walking all over the place looking at the little shops that I swear to god all sell the same shit. Hand knitted hats and swirly wirly woman chimes for hippies. Stupid.

8. I've been pulled over there more times than I am old.22.
(Yes, I know I'm 35 its a fucking joke people.)

9. There are only a couple bars there and I keep getting kicked out of them. It's not my fault they are also resturants. Beer makes me swear.

10. Once while walking my dogs on the beach Max ran ahead and was rolling against this log. We walked up to him and realized said log was a giant dead seal. I had to bathe Max 8 times to get that greasy film off him. I also vomited and screamed. And I hate vomiting cause it makes me vomit more and i cant stop till its all gone. And I hate screaming it hurts my throat. And q said his ears.

11. Because the stupid bank of America doesn't open till 10 and closes at 5:30. Good god. Work normal hours like the rest of us please.

12. Because its sucks.

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