Sunday, January 13, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
January 1, 2013
In an effort to start over, I chose today to begin. It seemed appropriate and gave me a goal to set. In my absence I have grownup, i have lost my whole world, I've hit rock bottom and found precious love and found a joy of life again in the presence of pain. I have a story to tell and a want to write it. I am going to write everyday and regain the passion I have for it and feel the joy it gives me again because this is what I am. A writer.
I've never been a very serious person, I enjoy having fun and joking around and j live everyday to have fun. but over the last couple years, serious is what i have been dealing with. It is a difficult hurdle to master for the young at heart. I had to try over and over again to even get up to it to see exactly how scary it was gonna be to conquer. But I did it. I knocked the hurdle over a couple times trying and I even banged myself up a bit on my struggle to get it right. But I'm here on the other side now and I'm looking back at that hurdle in a different light. Im not looking back in pain or anger or frustration or sadness or grief anymore. I'm looking back at it as a part of my life and writing about it now so that it can shape into a memory worth having and telling and remembering.
Life is serious because it's real. Otherwise it's supposed to be enjoyed and shared and lived. Honor yourself, take care of yourself, and then have some fun. On that note I am off to walk my dogs. The sun is out and he's begging me to play. He's a bully really.
I've never been a very serious person, I enjoy having fun and joking around and j live everyday to have fun. but over the last couple years, serious is what i have been dealing with. It is a difficult hurdle to master for the young at heart. I had to try over and over again to even get up to it to see exactly how scary it was gonna be to conquer. But I did it. I knocked the hurdle over a couple times trying and I even banged myself up a bit on my struggle to get it right. But I'm here on the other side now and I'm looking back at that hurdle in a different light. Im not looking back in pain or anger or frustration or sadness or grief anymore. I'm looking back at it as a part of my life and writing about it now so that it can shape into a memory worth having and telling and remembering.
Life is serious because it's real. Otherwise it's supposed to be enjoyed and shared and lived. Honor yourself, take care of yourself, and then have some fun. On that note I am off to walk my dogs. The sun is out and he's begging me to play. He's a bully really.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
I used to love going with my mom to the grocery store. It was a chance to get out of the house go for a ride and enjoy the scenery. Hahahahahaha I don't know I just always hoped she'd buy me a present. That way I could go home and show my brother and sisters that the parents do indeed love me best and hate them.
Anyway, so one fine day when i was in 7th grade, I joined Linda on a shopping expedition to the local piggly wiggly. My parents liked piggly wiggly better than mega foods or Safeway cause "the isles are wider and the shopping cart wheels don't squeal." my dad said. My stepmom sat there nodding and then added "plus, it isn't as crowded and there's always plenty of ripe bananas."
Ok.
So when we got to the piggly wiggly, I let Linda know I was gonna go look at the magazines. I mean I needed my Bon Jovi fix. Back in the day this is how you got the info. We didn't have Internet or that shit and my parents wouldn't buy cable so besides anything the radio told me this is how I got my facts. I was flipping through the pages of metal edge when I heard "molly! Do you need any Kotex?" looking around wondering if this was intended for this Molly I yelled back "what?"
"DO YOU NEED ANY KOTEX?!" my stepmom yelled even louder from an isle over.
"hold on!" I yelled back going to look for her.
As I rounded the isle i kept thinking what the fuck is a kotex? Then I spotted my mom. She was standing there looking straight up holding a giant box of pads. I froze. There were people everywhere. Most were staring at the crazy woman yelling at the ceiling. I started to run for her hoping to get to her and keep her quite. She dropped her eyes right on me and threw her arms in the air pads held high to the sky "there you are! Do you need any Kotex? Are you on your period?" and shook the box.
I was running full speed but I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. Finally i got to her and I knocked the box out of her hand and yelled "shut up Linda!" As spit came shooting in all directions as it bounced off my head gear and braces.
"Molly!" she said picking up the pads" what is your problem? Do you need any Kotex or not? And don't go grabbing for those tampons you know you can't use those yet." (here's the thing. My mom wouldn't let us use tampons until we were older. I get it she didn't want us jamming things on there but if your my age or older lets remember how giant pads were back then. And loud. You try having p.e. in jr. High while wearing a loud diaper. Fucking embarrassing. You sat there convincing yourself that noone else could hear it and that you must have super hearing. Probably from all those years of practicing being blind cause you were convinced you were gonna lose you sight as an adult and wanted to have a jump start on how to be blind. But wait I digress...)
I was horrified. "No!" I yelled almost crying.
"oh stop being so dramatic." she said putting the box in the cart anyway. " no one cares if your on your period. It happens to all women. Besides, you should be thankful its helping you get those boobies. I think it's about time we go get you a bra too. I'll ask your dad what he thinks."
Anyway, so one fine day when i was in 7th grade, I joined Linda on a shopping expedition to the local piggly wiggly. My parents liked piggly wiggly better than mega foods or Safeway cause "the isles are wider and the shopping cart wheels don't squeal." my dad said. My stepmom sat there nodding and then added "plus, it isn't as crowded and there's always plenty of ripe bananas."
Ok.
So when we got to the piggly wiggly, I let Linda know I was gonna go look at the magazines. I mean I needed my Bon Jovi fix. Back in the day this is how you got the info. We didn't have Internet or that shit and my parents wouldn't buy cable so besides anything the radio told me this is how I got my facts. I was flipping through the pages of metal edge when I heard "molly! Do you need any Kotex?" looking around wondering if this was intended for this Molly I yelled back "what?"
"DO YOU NEED ANY KOTEX?!" my stepmom yelled even louder from an isle over.
"hold on!" I yelled back going to look for her.
As I rounded the isle i kept thinking what the fuck is a kotex? Then I spotted my mom. She was standing there looking straight up holding a giant box of pads. I froze. There were people everywhere. Most were staring at the crazy woman yelling at the ceiling. I started to run for her hoping to get to her and keep her quite. She dropped her eyes right on me and threw her arms in the air pads held high to the sky "there you are! Do you need any Kotex? Are you on your period?" and shook the box.
I was running full speed but I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. Finally i got to her and I knocked the box out of her hand and yelled "shut up Linda!" As spit came shooting in all directions as it bounced off my head gear and braces.
"Molly!" she said picking up the pads" what is your problem? Do you need any Kotex or not? And don't go grabbing for those tampons you know you can't use those yet." (here's the thing. My mom wouldn't let us use tampons until we were older. I get it she didn't want us jamming things on there but if your my age or older lets remember how giant pads were back then. And loud. You try having p.e. in jr. High while wearing a loud diaper. Fucking embarrassing. You sat there convincing yourself that noone else could hear it and that you must have super hearing. Probably from all those years of practicing being blind cause you were convinced you were gonna lose you sight as an adult and wanted to have a jump start on how to be blind. But wait I digress...)
I was horrified. "No!" I yelled almost crying.
"oh stop being so dramatic." she said putting the box in the cart anyway. " no one cares if your on your period. It happens to all women. Besides, you should be thankful its helping you get those boobies. I think it's about time we go get you a bra too. I'll ask your dad what he thinks."
Friday, January 6, 2012
I've been doing really well lately with letting myself be happy again after losing dad. But today I was at the grocery store and burst into tears in the milk isle remembering the last time I saw my dad and he was conscious. My stepmom had to go to the store so i sat with my dad. She made me promise not to give my dad any food he asked for because he was on a strict diet. Of course. I said. 5 minutes after she left dad asked if Linda was gone. Yes I told him. He asked me to fill his sippy cup with milk. You can't have anymore I told him. Please babe. He asked me. Please. And he closed his eyes. He looked so sad. It's just fucking milk. I thought. So I disobeyed my mom and gave it to him but he couldn't hold the cup and I had to feed it to him. I quietly cried without letting him see my face. My dad. My strong amazing superman of a dad. Who the fuck let's this happen to a man like this? I thought. He drank the cup and said your a good kid. Now fill it again or I'm gonna tell Linda. He smiled at me and whispered I love you kiddo.
I miss my dad.
I miss my dad.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Safeway chronicles Part 7
There was no comet on the shelf so I sayz to the Safeway worker standing next to me "excuse me do you know if there is anymore comet in the back. I need that shit." Like a fucking crackhead. She looked at me and said "do you have to go potty?" I said "what now?" (It was weird cause I did have to go) "Um yeah I guess I do but no, um, I need some comet. Can you see if they have any in the back?" She shook her head while saying "I'll buy you a big boy potty." Me, being used to crazy Safeway people said "ok well, a. I'm a girl. Recognise. And b. Wtf. I need some comet lady. Let's go ." She covered her ear looked at me and said "I'm on the phone bitch and I don't fucking work here." I just stared at her, shocked. "But your wearing red...." I said in disbelief. "It's Christmas you Dumbass." She said and walked away. While I watched her walk away I yelled "na ah......Christmas was yesterday!" And a little boy next to me said "no it wasn't. It was two days ago." I looked at the kid and said "oh shut up." And his mom said "excuse me? " while holding a can of comet in her hand. "Hey can I have that?" I asked and she grabbed her kids hand and ran off.
Fucking Safeway.
There was no comet on the shelf so I sayz to the Safeway worker standing next to me "excuse me do you know if there is anymore comet in the back. I need that shit." Like a fucking crackhead. She looked at me and said "do you have to go potty?" I said "what now?" (It was weird cause I did have to go) "Um yeah I guess I do but no, um, I need some comet. Can you see if they have any in the back?" She shook her head while saying "I'll buy you a big boy potty." Me, being used to crazy Safeway people said "ok well, a. I'm a girl. Recognise. And b. Wtf. I need some comet lady. Let's go ." She covered her ear looked at me and said "I'm on the phone bitch and I don't fucking work here." I just stared at her, shocked. "But your wearing red...." I said in disbelief. "It's Christmas you Dumbass." She said and walked away. While I watched her walk away I yelled "na ah......Christmas was yesterday!" And a little boy next to me said "no it wasn't. It was two days ago." I looked at the kid and said "oh shut up." And his mom said "excuse me? " while holding a can of comet in her hand. "Hey can I have that?" I asked and she grabbed her kids hand and ran off.
Fucking Safeway.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)