I got a computer
Im on my way!
Someday ill be famous
Someday ill be gay!
(as in happy calm down.)
Someday ill be cool
Typing with my latte
Sitting at the starbucks
And pretending im happy.
(as in gay calm down.)
Ill keep up on my emails
When I remember my password
And ill learn what the fuck pdf means
Just like all you I T nerds.
(q said those are computer people)
I cant wait to get started!
Ill go “surfing” everyday
So hang 10 mother fuckers!
Cause mad dog has a shitload to say!
Oh yeah and its mostly misspelled swear words like fuck shit piss cunt bitch asshole douche bag and banerkner. And if you don’t know what the word means look at the context. Dumbass.
Yay. I got a computer.
Thanks jen. xo
Friday, January 28, 2011
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Tale of Two Turds and a Lolly Pop
Once apon a time I decided to take up skipping. I'm sure at my old age I look like an idiot but it makes me smile and not be rude to unsuspecting strangers, or Quint. And that's one of my new years resolutions; don't be so rude, Molly.
"Whatever gets your goose." Q said when I announced my new pass time.
"what does that mean." I asked.
"What does what mean."
"Get your goose."
"I don't know. Like whatever makes you happy. Whatever gets ya through the day."
"God that's stupid and it doesn't make sense. Why would I have a goose? Why is getting it so good?"
"Wow. It's just a saying. Jesus Molly. Maybe you should go skip some more grumpy."
Ok so maybe it doesn't work all the time.
But I'm trying and that's the point right? My other resolutions were don't talk to banerkners, stay away from drama and no fast food till Feb. Broke every single one on the first, but it wasn't my fault. Bremerton is a pack of banerkners waiting to pounce. And I was super drunk, and I was skipping so i thought all was good and right with the world. Nope. I ran into a giant drama banerkner and spoke to it. So I had to to make q take me to jack in the box and drown my tears in curly fries and ranch dressing. Sigh. Oh well. God didn't invent tomorrow for nothing. It's a bright new shiney do over. Yay!
So today was my put new years resolutions into affect day take two.(i couldnt on Sunday cause I was too hung over so that day didn't count.) I actually woke up on time today and I didn't even complain to q that we had no sugar for the coffee even though I put it on his fucking grocery list yester-fucking-day. I just smiled, skipped to the bathroom and screamed into a towel.:-) yay! I wasn't rude. Plus I didnt honk my horn once on my way to work. I felt bad for not paying it any attention though so I honked it a couple times when I got to wk just to remind him I loved him. And I do. The car horn is the best invention ever. Besides frying pans.
I was full of smiles and good intentions when I opened the door to the house i was about to clean. Shit, I was even on time today. So far today was A+.
When I got inside I put down my vacuum and cleaning stuff and took off my coat. I went to hang it in the closet when i saw something strange on the floor.
"What is that?" I said. As I reached down my hand.
You would think I knew better. I mean my dad always told us to look with our eyes not with our hands. But I never listened then so why start now?
It was poo. It was a long thick turd. And it took me a few seconds and a sniff to figure it out too. (I'm really not a morning person and they have those lights that take like a minute to get bright after you turn them on. So I couldnt see and q didnt buy sugar remember? so I hadn't had coffee...so fuck, its not my fault.)
I screamed, threw it down and ran for the bathroom. Problem is I stepped into the turd I threw down on my way.
"Motherfucker." I said and took off my shoe. I started to chant swear words when I remembered that today was good day number one of the beginning of my new good mood Molly year. So I took off my other shoe to even me out and skipped to the bathroom to wash off the poopy.
It seemed like the bathroom smelled weird.
Cautious, due to the turd touching, I slowly scanned the room before entering.
What was that smell? I thought as I looked around.
Why can't I place it?
I don't see anything weird.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
So I stepped in and went to work cleaning my shoe. It slowly started to register to me that the smell was horribly disgusting. Like holy god gut wretching. While I ran my shoe under the bathtub tap I scanned the room again. I noticed that there was water all around the toilet.
Wtf? I got up from the tubs edge and walked to the toilet. There inside was a bunch of diarrhea, a couple normal turds, lots of toilet paper and a red lolly pop.
"Weird." I thought as I flushed the toilet. Well that answered the smell.......and oh Jesus, was that the poo on my shoe? Wait, no...I mean how would it of gotten out?
It was then that Tricksy the 1 year old happy gigantic golden retriever came bounding into the room to see me.
Or at least I thought it was to see me.
She went straight for the toilet and dunked her head in.
"Hey Tricksy no! It's not flushed all the way!"
I grabbed at her collar and pulled out her head. She looked at me and in her mouth was a giant glob of poo, a bit of tp and the red lolly pop.
I gagged and ran from her down the hall. I couldn't talk cause I was so close to puking. I was waving my arms like mad and gagging and jumping up and down like I was on fire. It was so Fucking gross. "DROP IT!" I gagged screamed.
But Tricksy didn't drop it and my crazy rain dance thing had drawn her attention to me and when I looked down at her to see if she had listened, there she was 6 inches from me wagging her tail, poo still in mouth.(lolly too.)
I froze. I froze because I have been around dogs my whole life and I knew that look in her eyes. Tricksy wanted to play.
She lept up at me and started to try to grab at my shirt to play tug o war. Unfortunately the poo was still in her mouth, what she used for grabbing, and so I was leaping away like mad gagging and trying to smack her away at the same time. Tricksy thought this was great fun.
"Get off! " I gagged."go lay fucking down!"
I shoved at her hard and jumped back right into a counter. It smacked me in the small of my back hard and I fell to the floor.
I thought I was gonna pass out it hurt so bad. I was laying there in pain when I heard a plop on the floor next to my face.
Oh god no.
I opened my eyes and there was a large wet piece of mother Fucking people shit with a red lolly pop stuck to it inches from my face.
I instantly got pissed. I was in pain and so grossed out. I gagged and said "BAD DOG!" Tricksy, the loving sweet pup she was, lowered her head and licked my face.
I screamed. And somehow I got up and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed the soap and slathered my face like frosting a cake. I couldn't use enough soap.
I was gross. I had people poo on my face. I would never be clean again.
I washed my face for like 10 minutes. I was gross, crying,and Fucking over it already. It was then I realized I left the bathtub running. My shoe was soaked. There was poo pieces all over the tub. I cryed harder, rinsed out the tub and went to grab my other shoe.
But my shoe was gone. And I could only guess who had it.
"Come here Tricksy." I said trying to control my voice.
Tricksy came bounding around the corner with my shoe.
"Drop it." I said.
And miraculously, she did.
I picked it up and headed for the door. I grabbed a plastic bag from the utility room for my shoes and shoved them in. Then I grabbed my coat, my vacuum and my supplies and Fucking left.
I called the owner when I got home and explained my morning. She apologized then offered to pay me double if I went back. I politly declined.
Oh did I mention what was in my shoe?
I will never eat a lolly pop again.
And fuck skipping.
"Whatever gets your goose." Q said when I announced my new pass time.
"what does that mean." I asked.
"What does what mean."
"Get your goose."
"I don't know. Like whatever makes you happy. Whatever gets ya through the day."
"God that's stupid and it doesn't make sense. Why would I have a goose? Why is getting it so good?"
"Wow. It's just a saying. Jesus Molly. Maybe you should go skip some more grumpy."
Ok so maybe it doesn't work all the time.
But I'm trying and that's the point right? My other resolutions were don't talk to banerkners, stay away from drama and no fast food till Feb. Broke every single one on the first, but it wasn't my fault. Bremerton is a pack of banerkners waiting to pounce. And I was super drunk, and I was skipping so i thought all was good and right with the world. Nope. I ran into a giant drama banerkner and spoke to it. So I had to to make q take me to jack in the box and drown my tears in curly fries and ranch dressing. Sigh. Oh well. God didn't invent tomorrow for nothing. It's a bright new shiney do over. Yay!
So today was my put new years resolutions into affect day take two.(i couldnt on Sunday cause I was too hung over so that day didn't count.) I actually woke up on time today and I didn't even complain to q that we had no sugar for the coffee even though I put it on his fucking grocery list yester-fucking-day. I just smiled, skipped to the bathroom and screamed into a towel.:-) yay! I wasn't rude. Plus I didnt honk my horn once on my way to work. I felt bad for not paying it any attention though so I honked it a couple times when I got to wk just to remind him I loved him. And I do. The car horn is the best invention ever. Besides frying pans.
I was full of smiles and good intentions when I opened the door to the house i was about to clean. Shit, I was even on time today. So far today was A+.
When I got inside I put down my vacuum and cleaning stuff and took off my coat. I went to hang it in the closet when i saw something strange on the floor.
"What is that?" I said. As I reached down my hand.
You would think I knew better. I mean my dad always told us to look with our eyes not with our hands. But I never listened then so why start now?
It was poo. It was a long thick turd. And it took me a few seconds and a sniff to figure it out too. (I'm really not a morning person and they have those lights that take like a minute to get bright after you turn them on. So I couldnt see and q didnt buy sugar remember? so I hadn't had coffee...so fuck, its not my fault.)
I screamed, threw it down and ran for the bathroom. Problem is I stepped into the turd I threw down on my way.
"Motherfucker." I said and took off my shoe. I started to chant swear words when I remembered that today was good day number one of the beginning of my new good mood Molly year. So I took off my other shoe to even me out and skipped to the bathroom to wash off the poopy.
It seemed like the bathroom smelled weird.
Cautious, due to the turd touching, I slowly scanned the room before entering.
What was that smell? I thought as I looked around.
Why can't I place it?
I don't see anything weird.
Maybe I'm just paranoid.
So I stepped in and went to work cleaning my shoe. It slowly started to register to me that the smell was horribly disgusting. Like holy god gut wretching. While I ran my shoe under the bathtub tap I scanned the room again. I noticed that there was water all around the toilet.
Wtf? I got up from the tubs edge and walked to the toilet. There inside was a bunch of diarrhea, a couple normal turds, lots of toilet paper and a red lolly pop.
"Weird." I thought as I flushed the toilet. Well that answered the smell.......and oh Jesus, was that the poo on my shoe? Wait, no...I mean how would it of gotten out?
It was then that Tricksy the 1 year old happy gigantic golden retriever came bounding into the room to see me.
Or at least I thought it was to see me.
She went straight for the toilet and dunked her head in.
"Hey Tricksy no! It's not flushed all the way!"
I grabbed at her collar and pulled out her head. She looked at me and in her mouth was a giant glob of poo, a bit of tp and the red lolly pop.
I gagged and ran from her down the hall. I couldn't talk cause I was so close to puking. I was waving my arms like mad and gagging and jumping up and down like I was on fire. It was so Fucking gross. "DROP IT!" I gagged screamed.
But Tricksy didn't drop it and my crazy rain dance thing had drawn her attention to me and when I looked down at her to see if she had listened, there she was 6 inches from me wagging her tail, poo still in mouth.(lolly too.)
I froze. I froze because I have been around dogs my whole life and I knew that look in her eyes. Tricksy wanted to play.
She lept up at me and started to try to grab at my shirt to play tug o war. Unfortunately the poo was still in her mouth, what she used for grabbing, and so I was leaping away like mad gagging and trying to smack her away at the same time. Tricksy thought this was great fun.
"Get off! " I gagged."go lay fucking down!"
I shoved at her hard and jumped back right into a counter. It smacked me in the small of my back hard and I fell to the floor.
I thought I was gonna pass out it hurt so bad. I was laying there in pain when I heard a plop on the floor next to my face.
Oh god no.
I opened my eyes and there was a large wet piece of mother Fucking people shit with a red lolly pop stuck to it inches from my face.
I instantly got pissed. I was in pain and so grossed out. I gagged and said "BAD DOG!" Tricksy, the loving sweet pup she was, lowered her head and licked my face.
I screamed. And somehow I got up and ran to the bathroom. I grabbed the soap and slathered my face like frosting a cake. I couldn't use enough soap.
I was gross. I had people poo on my face. I would never be clean again.
I washed my face for like 10 minutes. I was gross, crying,and Fucking over it already. It was then I realized I left the bathtub running. My shoe was soaked. There was poo pieces all over the tub. I cryed harder, rinsed out the tub and went to grab my other shoe.
But my shoe was gone. And I could only guess who had it.
"Come here Tricksy." I said trying to control my voice.
Tricksy came bounding around the corner with my shoe.
"Drop it." I said.
And miraculously, she did.
I picked it up and headed for the door. I grabbed a plastic bag from the utility room for my shoes and shoved them in. Then I grabbed my coat, my vacuum and my supplies and Fucking left.
I called the owner when I got home and explained my morning. She apologized then offered to pay me double if I went back. I politly declined.
Oh did I mention what was in my shoe?
I will never eat a lolly pop again.
And fuck skipping.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
its 3 am....do you know where your friend molly is?
I'm sitting in an empty bathtub
Staring at the wall.
I cannot sleep
I won't tonight
But this is not my fault.
You see my brain controls this ride
And tonight it won't shut off.
I've asked her more than 20 times
And she replays this thought....
Do you hear that?
Wake up Molly.
No you can't ignore it.
Focus on its annoyingness
I won't let you give up on it!
Go ahead count qs snores!
It's funny when he chokes.
Calm down now, no you may not
Punch him in the throat.
Wait what's that?
The guinea pigs.
What the fuck are they doing?
Sounds like piggy jumping jacks.
God I hope that they're not screwing.
Do you hear chimes?
So do I.
Why are they so loud?
Oh yeah that's right,
One pane windows.
They let in every sound.
And the cold.
Oh god the bill
To heat this place will suck.
Awesome.
Hey let's stress on money!
Now were having fun!
Hold on Molly
Let's go and get
The great the one the only!
The super radical fun guy!
Mr. Holy shit anxiety!
Your wide awake now arnt you?
Boy your heart is beating fast!
Get up and walk it off now
Just remember it won't last.
But until its gone I'm sorry
But your gonna have to wait
And think of every thought you've thunk
From 1975 till yesterday.
Your gonna have to rehash
All the good the bad the ugly.
Stay up till 5 and wonder why
Anxiety can't be funny.
Staring at the wall.
I cannot sleep
I won't tonight
But this is not my fault.
You see my brain controls this ride
And tonight it won't shut off.
I've asked her more than 20 times
And she replays this thought....
Do you hear that?
Wake up Molly.
No you can't ignore it.
Focus on its annoyingness
I won't let you give up on it!
Go ahead count qs snores!
It's funny when he chokes.
Calm down now, no you may not
Punch him in the throat.
Wait what's that?
The guinea pigs.
What the fuck are they doing?
Sounds like piggy jumping jacks.
God I hope that they're not screwing.
Do you hear chimes?
So do I.
Why are they so loud?
Oh yeah that's right,
One pane windows.
They let in every sound.
And the cold.
Oh god the bill
To heat this place will suck.
Awesome.
Hey let's stress on money!
Now were having fun!
Hold on Molly
Let's go and get
The great the one the only!
The super radical fun guy!
Mr. Holy shit anxiety!
Your wide awake now arnt you?
Boy your heart is beating fast!
Get up and walk it off now
Just remember it won't last.
But until its gone I'm sorry
But your gonna have to wait
And think of every thought you've thunk
From 1975 till yesterday.
Your gonna have to rehash
All the good the bad the ugly.
Stay up till 5 and wonder why
Anxiety can't be funny.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
she's a lady
So I was at target the other day buying some candy and slinking down the isles crop dusting (farting under the radar) when I happened into the underwear department. I giggled to myself because I was just farting and thinking "wouldn't it suck if I shit myself" and here i was staring at hundreds of panties.
"Go ahead!" I thought."its covered!" Hahahaha!
Yes sometimes I drink before I shop. F you.
Red robin is right next door and my bartender peeps give me free fries when I drink there. (Q tried to say every one gets them but I think he's a liar.) Plus, there is some RADICAL people watching in the joint.
I LOVE RED ROBIN.
Anyhow, I decided 15$ for 5 pairs of panties was a good deal. I started rummaging through the bins and grabbing out my size (non-ya) and colors I like. I landed 5 good ones, let out a rippper (oopsees) and went for checkout.
It wasn't until the next morning after I washed them (and sobered up) that i realized I had accidentally bought a pair of thong underwear.
Goddamn it.
I hate thong underwear. Nahnahnahnahnah....Shut it....don't care. Don't want to hear it. All you bitches is lieing to yourselves and others when you say "they're comfortable" Bull Goddamn shit. How can it be? It's a string. UP MY ASS. And my fuzzy kyekye. (VAGINA people.) I hate them. And I find them...well sorta gross. It slips up there and flosses my butthole. I just can't do it.
But I thought, now that I've washed them I can't return them. So I slipped them on and thought I'd try them out for the day. And left for work.
:-)
I stopped at the gas station to well...get some gas.(The kind for my car not my butt. Haha! I also drink when i write. Cheers!)
I was the only car there. I made sure. Like really. I looked around and confirmed it.
Just me. I'm alone.
Awesome. Cause this really rad decision to wear a string up my ass was already becoming a really bad idea.
It was up there and super uncomfortable. I glanced around one more time coast was crystal clear, and I grabbed at it. I was getting nothing. Goddamn thong. I couldn't free it. My butt had it sucked right on up. I grabbed and grabbed and came up empty handed. Literally.
I was gonna have to stick my hand down the back of my pants.
And free it.
I mean fuck it. I was the only one there and this thing needed to go. I jammed my hand down the back of my pants and freed the little sucker.
Ahhh. Sweet relief.
"Find what you were lookin for?" Asked a voice from behind me.
Standing at the pump along side mine was a man with a gas can. But of course. I didn't hear this guy walk up.
Annoyed I said "not sure....wait....oh, yep. got it." and I pulled out my hand and flipped him off.
"Nice."he said."what a lady."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said smelling my hand.
"It means your very classy." He said starting to laugh."Smell anything good there?"
I blushed bright red and ducked into my car.
And the thong dived right back up my ass.
"Go ahead!" I thought."its covered!" Hahahaha!
Yes sometimes I drink before I shop. F you.
Red robin is right next door and my bartender peeps give me free fries when I drink there. (Q tried to say every one gets them but I think he's a liar.) Plus, there is some RADICAL people watching in the joint.
I LOVE RED ROBIN.
Anyhow, I decided 15$ for 5 pairs of panties was a good deal. I started rummaging through the bins and grabbing out my size (non-ya) and colors I like. I landed 5 good ones, let out a rippper (oopsees) and went for checkout.
It wasn't until the next morning after I washed them (and sobered up) that i realized I had accidentally bought a pair of thong underwear.
Goddamn it.
I hate thong underwear. Nahnahnahnahnah....Shut it....don't care. Don't want to hear it. All you bitches is lieing to yourselves and others when you say "they're comfortable" Bull Goddamn shit. How can it be? It's a string. UP MY ASS. And my fuzzy kyekye. (VAGINA people.) I hate them. And I find them...well sorta gross. It slips up there and flosses my butthole. I just can't do it.
But I thought, now that I've washed them I can't return them. So I slipped them on and thought I'd try them out for the day. And left for work.
:-)
I stopped at the gas station to well...get some gas.(The kind for my car not my butt. Haha! I also drink when i write. Cheers!)
I was the only car there. I made sure. Like really. I looked around and confirmed it.
Just me. I'm alone.
Awesome. Cause this really rad decision to wear a string up my ass was already becoming a really bad idea.
It was up there and super uncomfortable. I glanced around one more time coast was crystal clear, and I grabbed at it. I was getting nothing. Goddamn thong. I couldn't free it. My butt had it sucked right on up. I grabbed and grabbed and came up empty handed. Literally.
I was gonna have to stick my hand down the back of my pants.
And free it.
I mean fuck it. I was the only one there and this thing needed to go. I jammed my hand down the back of my pants and freed the little sucker.
Ahhh. Sweet relief.
"Find what you were lookin for?" Asked a voice from behind me.
Standing at the pump along side mine was a man with a gas can. But of course. I didn't hear this guy walk up.
Annoyed I said "not sure....wait....oh, yep. got it." and I pulled out my hand and flipped him off.
"Nice."he said."what a lady."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I said smelling my hand.
"It means your very classy." He said starting to laugh."Smell anything good there?"
I blushed bright red and ducked into my car.
And the thong dived right back up my ass.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Wow do I not want to be awake. It's Monday. I want to go back to sleep. Wouldn't it be amazing if we all just could? Please.....we all need to agree to stop the clocks one Monday morning for 3 hours. 3 hours more sleep. Then restart the clocks and start the day. Or, maybe stop all this daylight savings for a couple yrs then give us the extra hours one day to make up for it. Who's running this show? I need to have a talk with them.
Ok so that's all I got this morning people. See you this afternoon.
Maddog.......out.
Ok so that's all I got this morning people. See you this afternoon.
Maddog.......out.
Friday, October 1, 2010
why i hate poulsbo by molly andrae
!. Because the speed limit is 40 but everyone drives 25. Speed the fuck up you looky lous.
2. There is always, no matter what time of day, a shitload of traffic. I am assuming this is due to the slow drivers and the fact there is a stoplight every 3 feet and its always red.
3. Starbucks is at the end of this strip mall thing and the parking lot sucks. The spaces are too tight and everyone has an suv. My car has been hit 3 times. Plus the Starbucks workers pretend they don't know what medium is. I hate them.
4. The woods there are scary as shit. We used to walk this trail down to the dogfish creek to see the samon run (fucking creepy those fish are huge) and at the end there is this giant cross with an alter and some pews.(holy shit creepy) seriously. Now if that ain't backwoods scary what is?
5. Vikings are out. Noone cares. Please shut up about it already. Didn't those dudes rape and piliage? Good fun. Now thats something to brag about.
6. Pitbulls are no longer allowed there. Get over yourselves.
7. Crosswalks are there for a reason. Randomly stepping into traffic forcing me to slam on my brakes, somehow killing my car is stupid. In that downtown area people are just randomly walking all over the place looking at the little shops that I swear to god all sell the same shit. Hand knitted hats and swirly wirly woman chimes for hippies. Stupid.
8. I've been pulled over there more times than I am old.22.
:-)
(Yes, I know I'm 35 its a fucking joke people.)
9. There are only a couple bars there and I keep getting kicked out of them. It's not my fault they are also resturants. Beer makes me swear.
10. Once while walking my dogs on the beach Max ran ahead and was rolling against this log. We walked up to him and realized said log was a giant dead seal. I had to bathe Max 8 times to get that greasy film off him. I also vomited and screamed. And I hate vomiting cause it makes me vomit more and i cant stop till its all gone. And I hate screaming it hurts my throat. And q said his ears.
11. Because the stupid bank of America doesn't open till 10 and closes at 5:30. Good god. Work normal hours like the rest of us please.
12. Because its sucks.
2. There is always, no matter what time of day, a shitload of traffic. I am assuming this is due to the slow drivers and the fact there is a stoplight every 3 feet and its always red.
3. Starbucks is at the end of this strip mall thing and the parking lot sucks. The spaces are too tight and everyone has an suv. My car has been hit 3 times. Plus the Starbucks workers pretend they don't know what medium is. I hate them.
4. The woods there are scary as shit. We used to walk this trail down to the dogfish creek to see the samon run (fucking creepy those fish are huge) and at the end there is this giant cross with an alter and some pews.(holy shit creepy) seriously. Now if that ain't backwoods scary what is?
5. Vikings are out. Noone cares. Please shut up about it already. Didn't those dudes rape and piliage? Good fun. Now thats something to brag about.
6. Pitbulls are no longer allowed there. Get over yourselves.
7. Crosswalks are there for a reason. Randomly stepping into traffic forcing me to slam on my brakes, somehow killing my car is stupid. In that downtown area people are just randomly walking all over the place looking at the little shops that I swear to god all sell the same shit. Hand knitted hats and swirly wirly woman chimes for hippies. Stupid.
8. I've been pulled over there more times than I am old.22.
:-)
(Yes, I know I'm 35 its a fucking joke people.)
9. There are only a couple bars there and I keep getting kicked out of them. It's not my fault they are also resturants. Beer makes me swear.
10. Once while walking my dogs on the beach Max ran ahead and was rolling against this log. We walked up to him and realized said log was a giant dead seal. I had to bathe Max 8 times to get that greasy film off him. I also vomited and screamed. And I hate vomiting cause it makes me vomit more and i cant stop till its all gone. And I hate screaming it hurts my throat. And q said his ears.
11. Because the stupid bank of America doesn't open till 10 and closes at 5:30. Good god. Work normal hours like the rest of us please.
12. Because its sucks.
with lemon
The other day while I was sitting outside minding my own business the neighbors shit kid Buddy popped his head over the fence and asked me where my car was.
"In my driveway. Why?" I said spinning around to see if it was still there.
"I need some change." He replyed.
I just stared at him because well.....I didn't fucking get it.
"Did you hear me?" He asked staring right back.
Say what?
I looked all around me narrowed my eyes and pointed at myself "are you talking to me kid or someone else?"
"You lady." He said nodding at me.
Little creep.
"And your asking me the where abouts of my car cause you need some change?" I asked.
"Yes. Is it locked?" He said.
"Is what locked?" I asked confused as a mother fucker.
"Your car."
"My car?"
"YES YOUR CAR. GET ME SOME CHANGE OR CAN I GET IT." Buddy said rather loudly.
Who the fuck IS this kid?
"Im sorry kid....I don't understand. What exactly is happening here?" I asked
Buddy sighed and said "when I was in your car yesterday I saw a bunch of change. I need it now so can you get it."
My eyes started to widen and I said "you were in my car?"
"Yeah. Yesterday." He said.
"Why?" I said as I started to freak the fuck out.
"To pretend." He said.
"Why in my car?" I asked. Getting up and backing towards my car. "And what the fuck were you pretending?"
Buddy froze and his eyes popped out.
"You said the f word." He said.
I stopped walking and looked around me again. What was happening? I felt like i was insain. I glanced down at the beer in my hand to make sure it wasn't mushroom tea or something.
"Yeah, I did..." I said "And that's because you were in my fucking car."
You little fucking Weirdo.
"I'm gonna tell." Buddy said and started to walk away.
I through my hands in the air and sprayed beer all over myself."FUCK!" I said and quickly got way pissed.
"GO AHEAD! AND GUESS WHAT? SO THE FUCK AM I!" I screamed."YOU CAN'T JUST GO IN PEOPLES CARS! STAY OUT OF MINE OR ELSE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Buddy turned around, all slow and creepy like, cocked his head to the side looked at me and said "Yes. You have a lemon in your hair. I'll see you tomorrow." And walked back to his house.
I'M MOVING.
"In my driveway. Why?" I said spinning around to see if it was still there.
"I need some change." He replyed.
I just stared at him because well.....I didn't fucking get it.
"Did you hear me?" He asked staring right back.
Say what?
I looked all around me narrowed my eyes and pointed at myself "are you talking to me kid or someone else?"
"You lady." He said nodding at me.
Little creep.
"And your asking me the where abouts of my car cause you need some change?" I asked.
"Yes. Is it locked?" He said.
"Is what locked?" I asked confused as a mother fucker.
"Your car."
"My car?"
"YES YOUR CAR. GET ME SOME CHANGE OR CAN I GET IT." Buddy said rather loudly.
Who the fuck IS this kid?
"Im sorry kid....I don't understand. What exactly is happening here?" I asked
Buddy sighed and said "when I was in your car yesterday I saw a bunch of change. I need it now so can you get it."
My eyes started to widen and I said "you were in my car?"
"Yeah. Yesterday." He said.
"Why?" I said as I started to freak the fuck out.
"To pretend." He said.
"Why in my car?" I asked. Getting up and backing towards my car. "And what the fuck were you pretending?"
Buddy froze and his eyes popped out.
"You said the f word." He said.
I stopped walking and looked around me again. What was happening? I felt like i was insain. I glanced down at the beer in my hand to make sure it wasn't mushroom tea or something.
"Yeah, I did..." I said "And that's because you were in my fucking car."
You little fucking Weirdo.
"I'm gonna tell." Buddy said and started to walk away.
I through my hands in the air and sprayed beer all over myself."FUCK!" I said and quickly got way pissed.
"GO AHEAD! AND GUESS WHAT? SO THE FUCK AM I!" I screamed."YOU CAN'T JUST GO IN PEOPLES CARS! STAY OUT OF MINE OR ELSE! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Buddy turned around, all slow and creepy like, cocked his head to the side looked at me and said "Yes. You have a lemon in your hair. I'll see you tomorrow." And walked back to his house.
I'M MOVING.
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